Have you ever had so much rage that the anger you felt didn’t seem to even touch the amount of pain you were experiencing? If you’re struggling with how to deal with anger, then this blog post is for you.
When I first got diagnosed with my genetic condition, the rage I felt from not being believed for so long, and now having to have such a life-shaking diagnosis, just felt like a sick joke.
There was a time I was driving to work where tears just flowed from my face. I just screamed as loud as I could and as I needed to at God or really anyone to know the depth of my pain.
My pain was so deep that anything anyone tired to tell me just didn’t seem fitting to the level of despair I felt.
I would replay those moments that my gynecologist told me, “It’s just bad luck”. Or when someone says, “If it’s God’s will.” All of those little tiny moments amounted to such bigger moments in the thick of pain.
I recently read the book, Forgiving What You Can’t Forget by Lysa Terkeurst, and in the book she says, “It was the fact that none of these people who’d caused so much hurt were ever held accountable for their actions” (pg.192).
What I learned from my anger is that it can lead to my own bitterness, and not everyone will acknowledge your pain or even understand the depths of your pain.
I will never get an apology from my gynecologist or from her practice that dismissed my concerns, from the healthcare systems that didn’t tell me the documented concerns with my reproductive system, or from the child welfare system that didn’t inform me of medical issues.
My primary care doctor said it best, “This is a complete failure of the healthcare system as well as the child welfare system,” and I would agree.
But what do you do with anger when the offense is so deep?
How do you deal with anger?
Here are my 5 tips on how to deal with anger.
How To Deal With Anger Issues
1. Acknowledge The Pain
Allowing yourself to feel the pain is helpful. I cried many nights and days over my diagnosis and over the unfairness of what was left behind because of it.
I believe God gave us emotions for a reason, but it’s what we do with those emotions that matter.
Acknowledge your pain and have a safe place to deal with that pain.
If that means counseling, calling a friend, joining a support group, whatever it may be to allow yourself to acknowledge the pain.
2. Journal
Journal the hurt, the pain, the bitterness, the anger, the unfairness, all of it!
Put all of your pain on these pages. Consider these Jesus’ pages. Jesus is more than capable of healing your anger and pain.
These pages are where you process your deepest pain, that no scalpel will ever be able to touch.
3. Exercise
Exercise is a big way to cope with anger. It allows your body to release the pain in a healthy way.
It also actually releases endorphins which help you relax and experience happiness.
4. Grieve
Allow yourself to grieve. Grief isn’t a once and done thing. It’s so much more than a few months of sadness or anger. It’s a process that sometimes isn’t even linear.
Grief isn’t something that you get over it. Grief is something that you find a way of coping with.
So, allowing yourself time to cry, scream, and to feel sadness is okay,
And honestly, it’s okay not to be okay.
It’s also okay that whoever or whatever caused your pain, doesn’t get to anymore.
You can grieve and still not allow whatever or whoever hurt you to have access to you.
5. Find A Purpose
Find a purpose through your pain. Anger is an emotion we all have, but once you are in a good place, find purpose in it.
If that’s gardening, setting up an organization to help others, or something else, find a purpose to channel your emotions into.
For me, that’s continuing to be honest, real, and acknowledge that this shouldn’t have happened—and it’s continuing to share my story to help others share theirs.
Conclusion About Anger
Anger is something that God has given us, but when our emotions are so deep the anger can feel overwhelming and at times feel justified, even when others haven’t caused the hurt we are experiencing.
My prayer is that this post helped you and encouraged you with these 5 tips on how to deal with anger issues. Anger doesn’t have to control us, but we can learn to use it to help us.
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Ashley Marie
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