If you are struggling with the loss of a loved one or grief, this blog post is for you from someone who has been there and gone through the initial and continued grief process.
The Loss Of My Mother
I was dancing, and she was dying. How could I? I thought she would get better. How could she abandon me all over again?
Walking into my job, still in my prom dress from the night prior, covered in black mascara and tears running down my face, I told my manager that my mom died.
It was the first time in my life that I felt alone, even though I had been pretty much alone my whole life.
That day, I drove around for what felt like hours. Crying and realizing that all I’m left with are broken memories, shattered dreams, and a mother that would never be. As I continued to drive, I called her over and over again, hoping she would pick up, hoping it wasn’t true.
Unfortunately, it was true, and May 13, 2006, was the day my mother died.
The 5 Stages Of Grief
As I worked through the process of grief with my mother’s passing, I went through 5 stages of grief at the time I was unaware of.
Elizabeth Kübler-Ross is the individual who founded the five stages of grief. You can read about it here.
But a brief list of the stages is as follows:
- denial
- anger
- bargaining
- depression
- acceptance
How To Deal With Grief
The five stages of grief aren’t always linear. I didn’t realize that at the time, as I was just an 18-year-old kid when she passed.
Even though there are stages of grief, having time to grieve and how one grieves can look different for each person.
Having someone you love pass away, even if it’s accepted, is hard. It’s a sorrow that continues to ache but does get better over time.
Here are ways I worked through my grief process from my mother’s death.
1. Seek Support
Dealing with death is never easy, and support is what helped me the most.
I had friends and my old CASA worker (Court Appointed Special Advocate) who helped me a lot. They all allowed me to process my feelings and cry—a lot.
The first month was probably the hardest, and I never realized I could cry so much.
But seeking support is one way to deal with the death of a loved one.
2. Support Groups
If you don’t feel like you have people in your life who are supportive of your grief, support groups are superb.
Support groups are excellent ways to work through grief and loss with others who have experienced losing a loved one.
I did not use a support group to help cope with my mother’s death, but I would have it if I knew that was an option.
3. Self-Care
When dealing with loss, self-care is so important.
Even though I was crying, I still tried to do things for myself. I hung out with friends and tried to do small things for myself.
I even met my old CASA worker at a nursery (plant garden) and walked around.
4. Remembering Old Memories
During the first few months after my mother’s death, I would remember fun things about her.
For example, one time, I dyed my hair black on accident and called her for advice. She told me what to do, and I now love that memory.
I used to think that if I remembered old memories, I was still grieving. But I don’t believe that now.
Conclusion
I wasn’t a Christian when my mother died, so I didn’t personally put anything in about my homeboy Jesus, but I will say if someone I loved passed away now, I would add that in here.
Jesus cares about our sorrows, pains, and lives—the things that are important to us.
If you are dealing with a loss and grief, I want to say I’m so sorry, and I know it hurts. It was a gut-wrenching hurt.
I pray these tips helped you, and I pray that you remember your memories of your loved one and that their legacy can still live on through you.
If you want to hear more from Broken Until Now subscribe to the blog, and follow us on Instagram at brokenuntilnow.
Blessings,
Ashley Marie
Here are a few other blog posts for you to, explore:
Devotional: Kick Butt & Take Names (Jesus’ Way Of Course)
