If you’ve ever experienced inconsistent communication with someone, this blog post is for you.
The Confusing Reality of Inconsistent Communication
Consistency is a big thing for me. It’s not a preference, it’s a non-negotiable.
I was recently dating someone, and I clearly expressed that consistency matters deeply to me. My exact words were: “Being consistent matters a lot to me.”
Yet over time, behavior changed. The consistency faded.
And if you know any part of my story, you know that for many years my life was filled with inconsistency. Even my own biological parents couldn’t show up for me in reliable ways. That history matters because our past teaches our nervous system what feels safe and what doesn’t. If you want to read more of my story, click here. (Trigger warning it does contain abuse.)
At some point, I realized protecting my peace mattered more than waiting around for someone to show up differently.
I drafted a message. It wasn’t rude. It was kind, honest, and clear. Part of it said:
“I’ve had enough inconsistencies in my life; I won’t be signing up for more.”
(This saying is also a sticker and is available at Prussian Street Arcade in Lancaster.)
I saw that he responded, but I didn’t response back. A response from me wasn’t needed. And there was no benefit to reopening a door I had already decided to close.
I also said I wouldn’t reach out again and when I say that, I mean it. I’ve never broken a promise to myself when I’ve said that, and I won’t start now.
Because I don’t need another chapter of you in my life.
I already read the last one.
Having access to my life is a privilege, not a requirement.
Sometimes you don’t need to make a big exit. Sometimes you just need to know where you stand and what matters to you, and why being consistent matters.
Whoever can’t meet that isn’t for you, because inconsistency kills relationships.
Here’s Is What I Learned About Inconsistent Behavior
1.) Showing up for the little things is just as important as showing up for the big things. When that doesn’t happen, it often echoes past wounds.
2.) If you’ve lived through inconsistency, especially early in life, your nervous system remembers. It has already been exposed to hurt, so when inconsistency shows up again, even in small ways, your body notices.
3.) Your nervous system registers inconsistency as a potential threat.
4.) Consistency is emotional safety.
5.) Healing requires peace and trust, not chaos.
6.) Consistency builds trust. Inconsistency breaks it.
Trust and Trauma: Why They Go Hand In Hand
Anyone who has been through trauma needs to hear this clearly and loudly:
Consistency isn’t a preference. It’s a requirement for emotional safety and connection.
Nothing screams louder than your own nervous system when something isn’t right.
And this part matters too:
Someone can be kind.
Someone can mean well.
Someone can even care about you—
And still be the wrong person for what you need.
That doesn’t make you unlovable.
That doesn’t make you too much.
It makes you human, someone who needs safety, stability, and consistency in order to truly connect.
And choosing that for yourself isn’t dramatic.
It isn’t harsh.
It’s self-respect.
It’s love for yourself.
So when inconsistency rolls in either with hot and cold behavior, mixed signals in dating, or setting boundaries, you are more than allowed to open the door and roll out.
Your peace matters more and God wants you to have consistency in your life now, even if you had inconsistent communication or any inconsistencies before.
If you want to hear more from Broken Until Now, subscribe to the blog or follow us on Instagram at @brokenuntilnow or on TikTok at brokenuntilnow.
Here are a few other blog post for you to explore:
Devotional: Jesus Takes Care Of The Both Of Us
True Or False: God Will Always Make The Move For You
Be The Person God Created You To Be: 30-Day Journal
Blessings,
Ashley Marie
